A while ago we told you about when it’s ok to cheat. Today I’m talking to you about when it’s okay to judge. Well, I’m not talking about judging people guilty of murder and rape, but rather about the little things people do that stick out in our eyes. Yes it’s irrational, yes it’s in bad faith, yes it’s subjective, and then what are you going to do?
This top will be illustrated by fictitious judges.
1. People who say “immediately” instead of “immediately”
Contents
- 1 1. People who say “immediately” instead of “immediately”
- 2 2. People who talk about their parents by saying “dad” and “mom” when they are over 8 years old
- 3 3. The gross sound people make when they puff their shitty e-cigarettes
- 4 4. People who don’t have the same opinion as me on a film, a book, a play, a podcast, a show
- 5 5. Couples who start their sentence with “We with Gaétan blablabla”
- 6 6. People who signal to you on the street that your bag is open
- 7 7. People who say “definitely” and “however”
- 8 8. People who do the dry January
- 9 9. People who ask you to take off your shoes when you go to their house
- 10 10. People who talk too close to you when they’re drunk
- 11 11. People who talk about a movie, show, or book saying “it’s very smart”
- 12 12. People who play fictional music at their workplace
- 13 13. People who won’t drop a fry when you ask them nicely (or not nicely for that matter)
- 14 14. People who say “boutanche” or “valoche” or “baluche”, instead of saying bottle, suitcase, bag…
- 15 15. People who say “awkwardness” or “awkwardness”
- 16 16. People who use Bluetooth headphones thinking they’re cool
- 17 17. People who claim tunes on Lydia
- 18 18. People who write in their texts “it’s fine” instead of “it’s fine”
- 19 19. People you just met who ask your name again 10 seconds after hearing it
- 20 20. People who say “fireworks”, “pistoche”, “piche-nique” and “butt of bouq”
- 21 21. People who put their feet in the opposite seat on the subway, on their desks or anywhere to look cool
- 22 22. People who play music on their phone in public places
- 23 23. People who walk in groups of 3 or 4 on the same line on the sidewalk and whom you can never pass
- 24 24. People who have a particle name like “Du Moulin de Quinsonas-Oudinot dy Roy”
- 25 25. People who wear their masks under their noses
- 26 26. People who say yes instead of yes
- 27 27. People who refer to a third person and tell you “XXX, get out of this body”
- 28 28. People you politely ask for information and cut you off by saying “HELLO FIRST”
- 29 29. People who say they are on the left every two minutes
- 30 30. People who get upset when you give them back a book they lent you and you have dog-eared it on every page, taking pen notes in it with pizza stains on some pages.
Do you have a train to catch to save a quarter of a second to such an extent that it took you to add the “everything” in front? You disgust me.
Life imprisonment for this bolloss who can’t talk
2. People who talk about their parents by saying “dad” and “mom” when they are over 8 years old
What’s your problem, why don’t you say “my mother”? are you a baby or what? do you have a comforter? You have a comforter. Well okay then.
3. The gross sound people make when they puff their shitty e-cigarettes
Pfft all that while you’re going to die like people who smoke cigarettes in your way, stop showing off because you’re smoking something that smells like grapefruit. Electronic cigarette smokers, you smoke me.
4. People who don’t have the same opinion as me on a film, a book, a play, a podcast, a show
And on just about everything except the taste of the Pom’potes where, strictly speaking, I don’t comment.
It’s going to jail you pissed me off saying you liked Matrix 4; get out of there
5. Couples who start their sentence with “We with Gaétan blablabla”
But release my word.
6. People who signal to you on the street that your bag is open
Yeah well in fact if I want to leave it open and have my wallet taken I have the right I do what I want we are in a free country as far as I know, right?
The law is clear: you better leave people with their bags open
7. People who say “definitely” and “however”
And a big surge of hatred for people who nonchalantly insert a “simply” when they explain something damn them I kill them.
8. People who do the dry January
OK it’s fine to take a booze break from your life but why do it in January? why give it a lame English name? why brag about it to everyone? You want a Nobel Prize because you haven’t harmed yourself for 3 weeks in your life fdp but actually die of your life.
9. People who ask you to take off your shoes when you go to their house
Ah, but how do you relieve the hygienists there, in addition I put on socks with holes and I have oualps on my toes, you put me to shame for eight lives with your desire for cleanliness of the floor.
Put these freaks in the cell
10. People who talk too close to you when they’re drunk
And it stinks in their mouths and they sputter.
11. People who talk about a movie, show, or book saying “it’s very smart”
Technically that amounts to saying that you were smart enough to detect the level of intelligence of the thing and since you are necessarily stupid that does not mean anything. And if you weren’t stupid, you wouldn’t take yourself for someone intelligent so all in all you’re stupid in all scenarios.
12. People who play fictional music at their workplace
But why the hell are you banging all over your table? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS QUENTIN? (he is a colleague whom I secretly admire despite his hostile behavior on the gestural level).
13. People who won’t drop a fry when you ask them nicely (or not nicely for that matter)
It is simply insupportable. However, I will not deprive myself to steal one from them right away. Absolutely Yes.
15 years in a remand center for being a fries scum
14. People who say “boutanche” or “valoche” or “baluche”, instead of saying bottle, suitcase, bag…
Do you take yourself for an Audiard film or koua?
15. People who say “awkwardness” or “awkwardness”
At the base we had the word malaise and we were really happy, what happened since then?
Go prison bro tchu force-fed me
16. People who use Bluetooth headphones thinking they’re cool
Whereas you drop them every other day in the gutter but put them back because they cost 200 bucks. Remember when we listened to music with wired headphones you soulless shit?
17. People who claim tunes on Lydia
Hey no but it’s okay you’re afraid that you will not be reimbursed old radasse? I’m the one who actually decides if I pay you. Moreover at the beginning of the application there was not this “receive” option where you claim like a little bastard for money. You’re pissing me off with your financial behavior.
Limit you deserve that we redo capital punishment but hey, the dungeon will be enough
18. People who write in their texts “it’s fine” instead of “it’s fine”
Those who write “its going” are out of contest.
19. People you just met who ask your name again 10 seconds after hearing it
It’s not that it’s annoying but it’s annoying.
20. People who say “fireworks”, “pistoche”, “piche-nique” and “butt of bouq”
In a nutshell: old people.
21. People who put their feet in the opposite seat on the subway, on their desks or anywhere to look cool
While they reek of mutt shit from their disgusting feet these fdp I hate them.
You make me phew I’m going to eat you
22. People who play music on their phone in public places
A great classic but it never became stylish.
23. People who walk in groups of 3 or 4 on the same line on the sidewalk and whom you can never pass
No, but you thought you were concrete and that you were going to be walked on to be able to overtake you?
24. People who have a particle name like “Du Moulin de Quinsonas-Oudinot dy Roy”
While in fact if it is they are nice (1 time out of 100).
25. People who wear their masks under their noses
But I think I’m even more pissed off by people pointing out that you’re wearing your mask under your nose. Hey guys did you think we were in a pandemic? Relax wsh.
26. People who say yes instead of yes
Like you are bilingual when you are barely monolingual. Limit you are just lingers.
Drop the lawsuit, that person don’t even deserve it
27. People who refer to a third person and tell you “XXX, get out of this body”
But fuck yourself, I leave whoever I want in my body.
28. People you politely ask for information and cut you off by saying “HELLO FIRST”
But suck your ass with your filthy fennec shit politeness.
29. People who say they are on the left every two minutes
Already it’s annoying but when in addition they order their dinner on Deliveroo from their Alexa speaker, it deserves a slap.
30. People who get upset when you give them back a book they lent you and you have dog-eared it on every page, taking pen notes in it with pizza stains on some pages.
Hey bro, it’s a book, you’re not going to read it again. Already it’s not very correct that you don’t give it to me, if in addition I can’t live my life as I want by reading it, we won’t get along.
CHUI ON FIRE SO I JUDGE
