Top 20 threats that are still kinda funny

Threatening phrases are meant to be used to piss off the sissy. To freak out. But sometimes, with a little humor, it goes better. If you don’t laugh reading the threats in this top, I’ll find you. I’ll find you, that’s all.

1. “If you’re not disabled and park here, you soon will be”

2. Should always do this actually

“This is not a dog park. If your dog poops (on my property) I’ll throw his poop at you. And it will probably come in your mouth. »

3. Every parent’s nightmare

“Don’t leave your kids unattended or they’ll be given energy drinks and taught slurs”

4. Logic

“To the person who is currently outbidding the house I want to buy:

I know where you are about to live. Stop this shit. »

5. Scary

“Take that as a goddamn warning. Sorry, wrong person.

_ Who is the right person? Who the hell is the right person? »

6. It’s small…well, no, that’s not what I meant

“The girls are 1m55 thinking they’re scaring someone… calm down before I put your keys on top of the fridge”

7. Worst feeling

“I’m going to rip out every one of your bones and put them back in the wrong place and force you to dance the macarena”

8. This guy should end up in HP

“I will unzip your winter jacket to keep you cold and then I will proceed to make a nice sweater for you to give you hope, only for this sweater to be so thin that you you might as well not have even put on a sweater at all. Don’t tempt me, I’m at my wit’s end. »

9. This guy is just totally sick

“I’m going to replace the tiles in your kitchen with white carpet”

10. If the guy is a pastry chef, he’s screwed

“Say one more thing like that and I’ll make you have an irrational fear of eggs.” »

11. I would like to see the result

“I will personally distress your DNA from within. »

12. I would like to see the result even more

“I’m going to cut off both of his arms, put one in his ass and the other in his throat to shake his hand.” »

13. Best anti-tobacco campaign

” NO SMOKING. Anyone caught smoking in these places will be hung by their toenails and stunned with wet carp. »

14. I wouldn’t like to cross paths with this guy in a dark alley.

“I’m about to show you that kneecaps are a privilege, not a human right. »

15. A motivated man is worth two as someone said (no one to my knowledge has ever said that I confess)

“Josh, if you say anything once again, I’m going to simultaneously enroll in law school and medical school so I can both bring you to justice and take your heart out of your body “

16. The magic of online games

« You’re gay.

_ I’m going to fuck your mother, become your stepfather and confiscate your console. »

17. A small, normal crime against humanity

“If you continue, I will use the Geneva Convention as a to-do list. »

This may be the time for you to review the rules of war of International Law.

18. I can’t tell if it’s nice or not.

“I hope this email finds you before I find you.” »

19. The guy is patient

“I want to cast a spell on you to shrink 3cm a week, so when you’re 70 you’ll be smaller than an ant and an ant will eat you.” »

20. It sends shivers down your spine

“I don’t really hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I would drink it.” »

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