In life, I have three passions: pasta, Desperate Housewives and apartment visits. By dint of doing it six times a week, I started to form a very strong bond of friendship with the real estate agents who today are like first cousins to me. Thanks to them, I discovered that we all had the seed of a real estate agent lying dormant in us. So would you be able to sell a one-bedroom apartment for €450,000 in the center of Dijon? We find out right away. After you, it’s on your right.
1. When you visit an apartment, you tap on the walls with your finger saying “That’s not a load-bearing wall, that’s placo”
You look like a 50-year-old daron, but you don’t give a shit.
2. You say “dressing room” to talk about your clothes closet
While according to little Robert, a dressing room is a “Small room installed to store clothes”. Sad for the wardrobe and the closet…
3. When you invite your friends to have an aperitif on your terrace, you insist on the southern exposure
Because yes, you are one of the people who have “an exterior”.
4. When people ask you about your neighborhood, you don’t hesitate to praise the shops and schools nearby
Besides, you say “commodities”, even if no one understands what that means.
5. You know how to explain the principle of the carez law in 17 languages
You also know how to convert the T2 and T3 designations in different countries.
6. You know the rules of your co-ownership syndicate by heart
As well as all the deadlines for future work on the common areas.
7. You have applied three times to the program “Recherche appartement ou maison”
But you have always been refused at the casting, because your too extensive knowledge made you an extremely reluctant client.
8. You like to say that your apartment is “well laid out” even if it’s 8m2 and the toilets are on the landing
It’s downright shameful, but you sell it so well, we can only accept.
9. You know at your fingertips the surface area and the ceiling height of your apartment
You also know the year of construction and the family tree of the owners.
10. You hold your keys with your finger in the ring (and you spin them around your finger when you talk)
It almost looks like a college CPE, be careful what.
11. You know how to carry cardboard pockets under your arm
What a swag…
12. For you, nothing is small, it’s “cute” or “cocooning”
Yes, even this 30 cm2 sink.
13. You know how to say the word “kitchenette” while keeping your seriousness
Come on, we’ll buy your house, give us the keys.
14. You usually say that your “property is atypical” to say “badly done up”, “badly arranged” and “without windows”
Even if your shower is in your kitchen, you love originality and art deco.
15. You know how to recognize triple glazing from 10 m away
Anyway, as soon as there is single glazing around your perimeter, you get hives.
16. You consider that your apartment is “decorated with care” thanks to your magnificent 3 m long painting of New York buildings
You also brag about your “Super equipped” apartment thanks to your €15 Carrouf kettle.
17. You know the difference between “Powder room” and “bathroom”
At a surprise question, you can tell which of the two is the shower. Strong, very strong.
18. You always say “Dining area” for your dining room and “Living room” for your living room
One day, you even said “Night area” to talk about your bedroom, it was hot there.
19. You know the exact travel times between your home and the various bus stops
7 min and 45 seconds while walking with a sure step for the 14 and 8 min and 32 seconds for the 12 while walking with a neutral step.
20. You ask for a security deposit even when you sell a €5 skirt on Vinted
On the verge of asking for the guarantors.