Hello team without personality! (Yeah, maybe I’m pushing a little hard here… But better an inconvenient reality than a feel-good lie. Sorry.) Let me guess, your favorite movie is Pulp Fiction, your hobbies on your resume are photography, travel and music, and you love Disney songs above all else. Ralala, all the same. I’m not here to judge you (a bit), but just to prove to you that you have to stop with this last point. Stop Disney Songs Past 25 Years. Finito. We stop. Definitively. End. The End. Pabaiga (“end” in Lithuanian). Come on, let’s grow up a bit.
1. Because it proves you haven’t grown up
SO WHAT ? Does the Peter Pan syndrome speak to you??? NOPE ? Bah however, it is a trick found by adults, which bears the name of a Disney. So ? We have no more arguments here, huh? Ah… Yes… Sorry. I’m supposed to preach for the other parish. I refocus.
2. You have to be under narcotics to sing this
Let’s be honest. Already, starting to sing in the middle of a discussion is a bit disrespectful and not really mature. But singing while addressing a snowman, mice, a frog or a lizard as an adult, that necessarily implies a maximum of drugs. Stop that.
3. These songs clearly don’t make sense.
Oh yes ? Ok, explain to me the meaning of “Everyone wants to become a cat, because a cat, when it is a cat, lands on its paws”, of “My soul expresses itself by drawing and sculpting in ice and my pansies are frozen crystal flowers”, “When the sardine ‘begins the beguine’ it swings, it swings. They have sand, that’s for sure (…) under the ocean” or “It doesn’t take much to be happy (…) A few rays of honey and sunshine”. Honeycombs? Really?
4. … And when they have it, it’s frankly not better
Singing “Why her skin is red” (Peter Pan), that “you are more fragile than little girls” (Mulan) or whining while waiting for the day when our “prince will come”. Good… It’s not so 2022, what.
5. Because your crush will think you’re underage and instantly lose interest in you
Normally. If he still stays… Get out. Quick.
6. Because you take on a childish voice that makes everyone uncomfortable
Even you. It pinches the nose, it goes up in the treble, it takes a little “too nice” head (no),… Horrible. Annoying. Stop that. The worst song of all songs for this kind of person is without a doubt “The Harpies”, in Cinderella. Patati and patata and shut your mouth with your voice. Sorry.
7. You lose all credibility
Go yell at your kid or ask your boss for a raise after singing Hakuna Matata loudly in front of them. There’s a one in two chance (according to a very reliable scientific study) that they will laugh in your face.
8. We’ve been “Freed Delivered” for the rest of our lives.
More a few days. People who have had a near-death experience say angels still hum it in the afterlife. Until then, I wanted to clamser by writing this top. Now I just want to go deaf.
9. It’s silly of silly of silly of really silly
A little preview of what you can hear in these songs: “I’m a butler, at the restaurant of life, place an order in the hollow of my ear, I cut myself out for my friends” (Aladdin), “l ove is a gift” (the Snow Queen), “And I see in that look that the lights are shining for us (…) I want to believe in us” (Rapunzel). Blurp. It tends to me, it tends to me, it tends to me. I have nausea.
10. We always sing them out of tune
Despite decades of training, we are never in rhythm. When we start to sing together, it’s an immediate cacophony. Not to mention that we never agree on the lyrics, the order of the verses and the choirs. In short, when it does not want, it does not want. And as my grandpa used to say: when the branch is rotten, it’s better not to hold on to it. Accept failure and move on.
11. There’s always an asshole to take us back
“So no. It’s not “bididibabidibou”, but “Bibidi Babidi Bou”. Moreover, you said “salagadou la machikabou” whereas it is “salagadou, la mENchikabou”. It doesn’t matter, huh… It’s just deeply incorrect”. Come on, come on, you can go get it beveled too, can’t you?
12. These songs from hell stay on top
At best, a few hours. At worst, several days. When we finally get rid of the cursed music, there’s always an asshole who will hum a new one. And it begins again. Again and again. Help.
13. In any case, we’ll wear them for years with our kids
“MAMAAAAAAAAN WE CAN PUT THE SNOW QUEEN???? “. How can kids watch this thing 12340244 times in a few years, and never get bored of it? If you can give yourself a Disney break between becoming an adult and becoming a parent, do it. I beg you. For your personal psychological balance.
14. Lyrics can be dangerous to everyone’s health
“Under the ocean, life is great, better than on land, I tell you (…) under the oceanaaaaan”. Nickel. Cheer. Imagine someone a bit dumb really tries the experiment. If it’s to tell such nonsense and endanger the lives of others, don’t sing anymore. It’s safer, huh.
15. We don’t even know the singers
Yeah, I know, it’s not very serious in itself. But hey… Answering “Disney” when we’re asked for our favorite singer doesn’t guarantee great culture. Already, when you’re a kid, it makes you smile, but when you’re 30 years old…
16. Too Much
Over 270. And the list grows year after year. Impossible to stay up to date. We don’t have time for that when we have an adult life to manage. It’s time to focus on real life, actually.
17. Life is not a movie
Even less a one and a half hour cartoon. The bills, the traffic jams, the hassles, the races at Lidl, the galleys of money, the galleys, the end of recklessness, etc. They talk about it in your children’s songs there, perhaps? I do not think so. Reconnect a bit.
18. Anyway, the Disney tell big mythos
Many mythos, even. It is time to stop maintaining them. It’s also that, “growing up”, “being an adult”,… All this boring stuff of mature people who try to do things well, gna-gna-gna. It disgusts me.
19. It’s time to put an end to those “which is better Disney” debates.
We’ve been talking about it for thirty years, and thirty years we haven’t agreed. Go cry for the thousandth time in front of the Lion King and leave me alone, consider that YES, the latest Disney are still Disney. Rapunzel, I love you. Coco, my life. Hercules, too bad.
20. “Keeping your child’s soul” is a boloss thing
In general, the people who say that are also those who use the words “attachant(e)” and “celibatant(e)”. Disgusting.