Top 20 phrases a teacher will never, ever ever say

Every return to school, it’s the same anxiety: you don’t know if you’re going to have a horrible teacher – the kind of teacher who makes his students eat chalk – or a cool teacher – the one who broadcasts all of Titanic in class just to explain to you the concept of Archimedes thrust. But even if you are lucky enough to have a cool teacher, you can be sure and certain that he will never say these sentences to you:

1. “Good children, you were too good, you are 2 months ahead of the program, suddenly we will watch films until the end of the year.”

2. “Come every day? Oulah no, you don’t have to. If you want to stay at home, I’ll sign the attendance sheet for you, we can do small favors from time to time.”

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3. “I’m not hiding it from you, the menu for lunch in the canteen isn’t great, so I ordered kebabs for you”

4. “You are the best class I’ve ever had”

5. “Well, this year it’s the baccalaureate, but the truth is that the baccalaureate is not enough. Everyone has it today, so don’t worry.”

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6. “Stop being so calm here! Come on, I want life, Titouan and Justin, chat a little, it’s like my great uncle’s funeral.”

7. “Wow wow, are you going to stop participating yes? I can’t even complain anymore that nobody listens to my class.”

8. “Instead of being bored all year, I’m going to give you the baccalaureate subjects directly, so you’ll know what to revise”

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9. “So I messed up, I made an appointment at the hairdresser at 3 p.m., so I’ll let you manage yourself this afternoon”

10. “Have you seen the math teacher? I wish I had him as a private tutor, if you know what I mean.”

11. “Ah no huh, don’t learn anything by heart! Anyway in real life you will always have Wikipedia at your fingertips.”

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12. “I give a 20 to whoever brings me back the most 4-color pens at the end of the week. Happy Hunger Games everyone.”

13. “This afternoon’s class won’t take place in this class, but at the L’Embuscade bar at the end of the street, we’ll be a little more relaxed, and the pints are 3 bucks”

14. “You know the rule: if I’m more than 15 minutes late one day, you have the right to go home.”

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15. “Timothée, stop hiding your copy, how do you want Louise to copy on it if there’s your hand in front of it?”

16. “This class will always end 5 minutes before the bell, so you’ll be the first in the canteen.”

17. “Excuse me? You don’t even know how to make a blowgun? Well, we’re changing the topic of the day: how to make a good compressed air blowgun.”

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18. “You will have your parents sign, but for those who know how to imitate the parents’ signature, do it yourselves.”

19. “Oh no, we don’t do the decimal places, it’s too complicated.”

20. “We’re skipping class today, you’re going to help me write my Tinder bio instead.”

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