Phrases and expressions that annoy us, there are hundreds of them; to the point that it becomes difficult to speak without annoying yourself. The most unbearable are still the sentences spoken with a little smile heard by people who think they are funny. Except it’s not funny, so please stop.
1. “The second degree is not just a temperature!”
No, it’s not even a temperature at all since the word degree is used here to speak of level and not of heat, dark moron.
2. “Rural after rural”
If you think you’re smart and flippant using this expression, know that it doesn’t work at all, you’re just being childish and unpleasant.
3. “I’m going to play devil’s advocate but…”
But no, please don’t play devil’s advocate! If you want to say something you really mean, pretend to potentially come across as an asshole instead of hiding behind that meaningless expression.
4. “Oh it’s okay, HUMOR!”
If you need to specify that your humorous remark, even more if with an annoyed tone after offending someone, you clearly need to review your definition of humor because it does not seem universal. Little reminder: if it only makes you laugh, it’s not funny.
5. “Who loves well, punishes well”
So yes, but only if the person you chastise so well does the same in return. Otherwise, it’s called harassment.
6. “It’s the […] de Wish”
It was funny at first, I must admit, but even the best jokes come to an end. If you heard someone shout lines from Brice de Nice, would that still make you laugh? No. Well the joke of “he’s the Brad Pitt of Wish” when seeing a photo of a guy who vaguely resembles him, it’s the same: you have to accept to turn the page.
7. “Surely where you left off”
BUT I DON’T KNOW WHERE I LEFT IT! Do you think you’re funny driving me crazy? You can see that I’m not in the mood to laugh there so your jokes can be put where you know Patrice.
8. “Time to buy yourself a watch”
HAHAHA but he’s funny! Are we in the Marrakech of laughter or what? GIVE ME THE TIME OR I’LL MARAVE YOUR MOUTH!
9. “Be careful it’s called comes back”
But please, you know very well that this joke will exasperate me and that it will make me want to steal your lighter of misfortune even more.
10. “How are you?” “Like a Monday”
But it’s not because you have a shitty job and your kids are unbearable from 6am that everyone hates Mondays as much as you Jean-Paul. If it’s to answer such a depressing thing, it’s better not to answer anything.
11. “He took a lot *insert name of a star*” (in front of the photo of someone who looks very vaguely like him)
Like the joke about the stars of Wish, it was funny at first to say “Oh she took Jennifer Aniston dear” when seeing a picture of Iggy Pop. Except that after 150 identical jokes, we saturate; so we have to move on.
12. “Annie Goofy” and “Manu Macrotte”
But how funny are puns about celebrities. If you use these nicknames, no need to form a political opinion, you are militant enough as it is.
13. “I feel targeted here”
Ah well, so much the better because you were completely targeted. I’m relieved you got the message so quickly.
14. “No typing”
This expression, if we can call this phrase as such, is used on the internet by people visibly unable to conjugate a verb to say “don’t insult me”. We often see it after a lambda sentence like “I’m probably the only one but I don’t like Game of Thrones”, as if it would piss someone off when everyone really doesn’t care.
15. “It’s not the penguin that slides the farthest on the ice floe”
There are already plenty of expressions to say that someone is stupid but since people never know how to stop in time, it becomes unbearable. We were fine with “no light on all floors” and “not the sharpest knife in the drawer” but no, some people had to invent dozens of new, very useless expressions.
16. “It’s not the world of care bears huh”
NO ? Forgive me for expecting a modicum of kindness, or even a semblance of humanity, from the world around me. Pack up your shoddy cynicism, it’s exhausting.
17. “There’s no bone in the steak”
I remember perfectly that this phrase, very popular in elementary school, had the gift of making my hair stand on end and make me clench my fist. IT MEANS NOTHING ! Who said there were bones in the fucking steak??? If I tell you to stop, you stop or I’ll throw your steak in your face.
18. “See you next year!”
This favorite sentence of the relous comes out systematically at the end of December and this every year since always. We know it so well by heart that we don’t even need to say it, a simple “eh! with a big smile and a nudge is enough. It would be more fun to say it in January, for a change.
19. “How are you?”
Not good. You thought you were trapping me with your sentence that didn’t expect any response?
20. “Unless I’m mistaken”
Say right away “with error on your part”, it will go faster. We know very well that the rest of this message is going to be unpleasant anyway.