It’s not always easy to find great things to eat between foods with a disgusting texture and the most boring and depressing foods. So if we can get a little kick out of products that are worse for our health than ten packs of cigarettes in one evening, we won’t be shy. Come on, put it in the oven for me with a little bit of Swiss cheese on top and we won’t talk about it anymore.
1. Cheeses for kids
A somewhat dubious composition for a lot of pleasure in the mouth (taste obviously, don’t make me say what I didn’t say). Only true cheese lovers know how to appreciate these little wonders.
2. Cheese pancakes to be reheated in the microwave
But siiiii, remember these superb pancakes all soft and hot, sometimes decorated with bits of ham without ham taste, which we had two to three times a year in primary school! That was what gave us the strength to continue counting with Picbille. The success of our education is thanks to these pancakes.
We are clearly on a crab rate equivalent to 2%. The remaining 98%, we don’t want to know. But what’s good with a spoonful of mayo per bite. So this is paradise?
4. Frozen burgers
Don’t ask me why these burgers always taste better than those in fast food and specialty restaurants. The only thesis I have to offer you is that it is because of the hot sauce that anesthetizes our palate while activating the area of our brain that induces contentment. I don’t see any other explanation.
5. Knacks to reheat in the microwave
It is good to know very little about the origin of the meat, that does not prevent us from finding these deliciously succulent little sausages with a good mashed potatoes as an accompaniment. A dish worthy of a Christmas Eve at the Élysée, if I may say so.
6. Canned Bolognese Ravioli
A dish that tastes even better cold at 6 a.m. after dark with three grams in each arm. We would drink 35 shots of vodka every night to be able to eat this meal continuously.
7. The neon pink first prize tarama
Have we really ever wondered if this neon pink was the natural color of tarama? No way. Does it bother us? Absolutely not. Come on, let me spread it on a good slice of well-processed, well-chemical sandwich bread to blow your stomach.
8. Liver mousse in a tray
A taste far from foie gras, a texture that melts in the mouth, a lack of knowledge of how this little gem is made… We don’t need more to enjoy it. Put this on my drip, and let it pop.
9. Condensed milk in a tube
Take a small shot of sugar, sprinkle with not very digestible powdered milk and mix with a dash of water and presto, you get the recipe for happiness. No more no less.
10. Vacuum-packed cervelas
I don’t know what the real cervelas tastes like, but I doubt it’s as succulent as this big pink pudding that looks deceptively like a pork dick coated in a silky red film. I also know from a reliable source that many vegetarians question their diet to have the chance to eat this nugget again one day.
A timeless classic with a taste of cheese as strong as the taste of tofu (that beautiful asshole food), but which has proven itself over generations. It’s a 10 for us.
12. The chorizo tartinade
A middle finger to Spanish culture, but a middle finger that pleases the stomach and delights the taste buds. Above all, put a good layer of it.
13. Croque-monsieur cheeses
A cheese that can be enjoyed both melted and fresh by cutting it with your fingers into small strips. Good on the other hand, it sticks a little to the hands so plan small wipes in case of tasting.
14. Chinese noodles in a bag
A lazy meal that has conquered hearts with its fleet broth, sticky noodles and its inability to allow us to distinguish the chicken taste from the beef taste. AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN.
15. Frozen breaded fish
And a bit of anything that contains breadcrumbs in fact (or anything that hides a great taste to transform it into something addictive and particularly delectable).
16. Cheddar sausage
The sausage itself was enough to appear in this top. But with its runny melted-cheese heart, it deserves to be featured here all the more.
As filthy as it is exquisite. Finally, according to one of my colleagues who has been locked in the toilet for three weeks for lack of taste. But look, I’m giving him a chance here. Even if there is still more chance that he pretends to like this food like many people on earth.
18. The lousy chocolates of low-cost advent calendars
It is often said that chocolate takes decades to expire. This one takes two weeks. Not a day more, not a day less. Yet, we ask for more every year so much it brings joy to our sad daily life deprived of Advent chocolates.
19. Triangle sandwiches
Admit it, you too are going on vacation to France just to have the opportunity to stop at a motorway rest area to taste a triple ham and butter sandwich made up of three times more unsalted butter than ham. Not to mention the tuna mayonnaise which makes your whole environment stink and the roast chicken which is the opposite of Sunday chicken. Masterpieces.
20. Cherry Pims
We plead guilty. Do what you want with us, we’ll understand if we end up in a mess for the rest of our days. It is deserved.
If I invite you all to a New Year’s Eve with all these wonderful products in a big salad, who comes?? I can even pay you.
Thanks to the amazing @madamebretzel who gave us this idea, without her, we would be just miserable and aimless editors in life.