According to a thorough non-scientific analysis, carried out by my care on an undefined sample of idiots encountered in my life: the teubés have certain objects which make it possible to identify them. Sorry if this top teaches you the truth, but it’s still better to know it, in order to go to bed less stupid.
1. Carpet in the bathroom
Welcome to the temple of mould, dust mites and bacteria of all kinds. Ideal for a room that you are supposed to come out clean. Ok, it avoids slipping on the wet floor, but honestly… Do you prefer a bruise on the buttocks once a year, or a yeast infection on each foot all your life?
2. One star
You paid 60 to 200 bucks to buy a star, which you will never be able to touch, which you can’t find in the sky, and which may already be dead. Nice investment.
3. “password” as password
Also works for “1234”, “azerty” or “azerty1234”. Might as well put nothing, it will have the same effect.
4. A bracelet in your name
Favorite object of teubés who tend to forget their name.
5. An Airpod lanyard
A wire, to attach wireless headphones to each other…
6. An “extended warranty” option for a toaster
Total cost of the 5 year warranty: 3 times the price of a new toaster. Good game.
7. Home whitening devices
Not sure that spending fifty bucks on a device that doesn’t work (and can even be dangerous to your health) will make your smile brighter…
8. A puff (= disposable electronic cigarette)
To summarize: the puff is a DISPOSABLE electronic cigarette, flavored to please the YOUNGEST. Sorry, but you really have to be the dumbest of badgers to support a business as little ecological and ethical as this one!
9. An oxygen therapy device
Yes yes. You read correctly. Under the heading of the biggest scams relayed by reality TV influencers: an oxygen therapy device. A device for: Breathing. Of. OXYGEN. I… Yeah, too much for me there.
10. A connected watch
Haaaaaan too good, spending 300 bucks on a watch that does everything the same as your phone, provided your phone is nearby! Too practical.
The art of owning something without really owning it. It’s like paying for an ice cream, but only leaving with the empty jar, and being happy with your purchase. It’s absurd.
12. A diploma
Getting up every day at 6 a.m. for over 20 years for a piece of paper? But are you dumb or what???
13. An apple peeler
Why buy a huge thing that only works for apples (and even then, when it does), when a small, discreet and practical to store peeler can peel absolutely ALL fruits and vegetables? Guys… Make an effort.
14. Decorative letters to tell you which room you are in
“Kitchen”, “Bedroom”, “Living room”,… At the limit, for the toilets, I can understand: it allows your guests to locate the room without having to ask. But for the rest… If you need a little sign to remind you that where there is a shower, there is a bathroom, it becomes complex.
15. An iPod, MP3 or camera
Why continue to lug around a thousand electronic devices when only one is enough?
16. A car in Paris
But yesiiiiii, of course it will save you time and money, of course…
17. A decorative fireplace
Which absolutely does not warm you up, but which costs you more in insurance. GREAT.
18. A flocked t-shirt with a brand logo
And who is the pigeon that advertises for free to big companies? Who is it ? It’s Bibiiiiiii!