Hello, it’s time for the peak of depression, the peak that will open your eyes to what is in front of your eyes but that you don’t want to see, to this certain future that is looming and that you ignore deliberately. In short, it’s time to face reality. So yes, of course it might hurt, but at some point you have to stop running away. Courage, it will make you grow.
1. The return of covid
The new variant is here, but you haven’t even bothered to remember its name. The number of cases increases, but you pretend they don’t exist. We’re talking about putting the mask back on, but you keep going to parties and licking the subway bars. You’re clearly not ready to face this new wave, and yet it’s heading for you.
2. Your white hair
You saw one over your ear last week, and you ripped it off immediately. Then you tried to convince yourself that it was a nightmare, and that this hair had never really existed. Until a second reappears in exactly the same place. Welcome to old people.
3. Global warming
Without being a climato-skeptic, you continue to live as if nothing had happened and to take the plane 3 times a year while deep down you know that we will all collect very expensive in fifteen years . It’s not nice to be an ostrich, you know that, but you can’t do otherwise.
4. Your baldness
Finally, having gray hair was perhaps better than going bald.
5. This conversation with your girlfriend who said “We need to talk, can we see each other tonight?”
After receiving this SMS, you replied with honeyed messages of the type “Of course my darling, I love you, you are wonderful”, when you know that tonight, what awaits you is a good big family break-up. It is too late to turn the tide.
6. Your gentrification
At first you just drank a little Spritz Saint-Germain from time to time, then you started not wanting to take the metro anymore, and recently you bought a T2 in Pantin. You become everything you’ve always hated: a fat bourgeois.
7. That little bump on your neck
Stop ignoring him and go see your damn doctor.
8. Kev Adams’ next movie
We don’t know when, we don’t know what it will be about, but it will eventually happen. And it will still be just as bad.
9. The defeat of PSG in the round of 16 of the Champion’s League
The arrival of Galtier will not change anything: PSG will crash once again, and we will again put the blame on the boulard of Mbappé or the uselessness of Neymar. The worst is that it will still hurt for the supporters.
10. The gas tank that you put off and that will cost you an arm and a leg
Don’t be stupid, you’ve been on the reserve for 2 days and you still want to try a Paris-Reims without refueling? You know very well that it won’t. Come on, go fill up. Yes, it will tear you a little tear when you see the price displayed, but you have to do it at some point.
11. Racist France
LALALALALALALA NO WE HEAR NOTHING WE DON’T WANT TO SEE THEM, EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL AND KIND, PEOPLE ARE NOT RACIST AT ALL
(Yes, we cry while writing this)
12. The far right soon to be in power
LALALALALALALA NO WE HEAR NOTHING WE DO NOT SEE THAT THE FN WINS MORE AND MORE VOTES AND MORE AND MORE SEATS IN THE NATIONAL ASSEMBLY
(we always cry)
13. Artificial Intelligence turning against us
Even those who know the 3 rules of robotics set out by Isaac Asimov suspect that at some point this AI story will end up going downhill. And no one is in a hurry to serve as a slave to robots. Laziness.
14. The next dose of vaccine you will have to take
Just the idea of having to go back to Vitemadose to be able to find a vaccination slot 20 terminals from your home worries you deeply. You’ll think about it when it’s really mandatory.
15. Elon Musk who will rule the world
Ok, maybe that won’t happen. Maybe. But we never know.