If I say “server”, what are the first adjectives that come to mind? Organized, lively, and attentive? It’s not false. However… There is one thing that we tend to forget and which is nevertheless essential in this work: the PATIENCE. Some have more than others, but in all cases, PATIENCE HAS LIMITS. There comes a time when you literally crack, and you bite your tongue so as not to insult the guy opposite. If you’re a waiter, you take a lot with annoying customers, and you’re looking for a cunning and effective way to get revenge: here are some little techniques that could make you happy! If you apply them, do not hesitate to tell us. We like gossip and stories of old idiots who are put in their place.
1. Serve decaf instead of coffee
It’s unstoppable. He will see nothing but fire, will have paid a lot for sock juice and will have a shitty day, without understanding why. No one will be there to judge you, since only you will know the truth. A little tip given by a Starbucks barista in a Tiktok video.
(Also works for infusions instead of teas.)
2. Give the cone of fries cold
The old fries cone sucks, prepared and forgotten for long minutes. Result: cold, floury, soft and loathsome fries. As detestable as the character of this egocentric asshole who will have no other solution than to throw them in the trash. (Works best for a take-out order. If he eats on the spot, prefer to spill the pot of salt in his potatoes. Of course, you will be ordered to change them for him, but you can first watch him crunch, grimace, cough, choke, drink lots of water, and groan. For a good reason this time.)
3. Badly capping a cup (deliberately)
In any case, the revenge will be terrible! Whether it’s a hot drink, soup, soda or even water: the customer is very likely to spill the contents of his cup on himself. If he’s an asshole in a light shirt, at the start of the day, you risk having ruined his day and his prez’ in front of the big bosses. Hihihihi, oops oops. He didn’t say hello, so he got… You know the rest.
Also works well if the drink spills into the bag and ruins its entire menu.
4. Spit in his dish
Okay, trash. But sorry to tell you, it happens often. In various restaurants. Fast food or gastro. No matter. Be nice, if you don’t want to eat a tournedos, on its bed of candied beets and viscous mollard.
Deja vu: a colleague licking the straw of her ex, before putting it in her cup. Ok, he was familiar with his saliva, but still…
5. Make him look ridiculous
In a fast food restaurant, a not very nice guy is a little angry because he is asked to wait 5 minutes for a burger. Instead of just grumbling like the others, he prefers to insult all the servers by saying ” oh well here it is. The proof that you are not geniuses and that you are doing a good-for-nothing job. 5 minutes for a fucking bun with a steak, you didn’t invent hot water. ” Class. Manager’s reaction? ” OK. WE STOP EVERYTHING. EVERYONE LEAVES THE COUNTER AND LINE UP IN FRONT OF THIS GENTLEMAN. Now, one by one, you tell him what you do for a living, besides your job, and you go back to work. »
The guy left. Without burgers. Without dignity. Without looking up. Hihihihi, shame.
6. Spill his fucking cocktail on his white shirt
Your client is not wearing a white shirt and has not ordered a cocktail? Don’t worry, it works with everything! A dish, a glass of wine, a dessert, an ice cream… In any case, it stains! To keep your conscience clear, avoid boiling drinks. The goal is to get smart revenge, not send someone to the ER or get sued. Or both.
7. Tell him what he’s asking for is out of stock
While not. Hehehe. And continue to serve this dish at all the other tables. heehee x2. Of course, he might be angry. But it’s worth it!
8. Install it next to the front door, in the draft
Of course, this only works if the client is an asshole to begin with. If it becomes lousy once installed, it’s too late. But you can always memorize his face and put that plan into action next time. And the one after that. And the one… Oh no, after 2 meals in the cold and so much sore throat the next day, there’s little chance you’ll see him again one day. WELL DONE BUDDY!
9. Get the bill wrong, oupsie
To your advantage, of course. Hop, 50 cents more on a cocktail, 1 euro on the dish, 2 euros on the bottle of wine, 20 cents on 3 of the 6 coffees,… Once the customer has left, we obviously put the overpayment in the pot to tip. It’s not really a revenge, it’s more a compensation, right?
Small tips: add small sums from right to left to cover the tracks. If you simply add a dish, it can pass on a big table, but it’s more risky on a group of 4 friends (a cross between friends and assholes).
10. Make him repeat everything 5 times
“Woooooo? Can you repeat ? », « Sorry, but I don’t understand », « A thousand apologies, but could you speak louder?? », « Ah, you speak english? Not French ? Ah good, time for me! “. After the fifth time, very important: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHthe longer the “ah”, the more humiliating it is) a BREAST. Oh no, but you have to articulate a little! »
11. Forget It
Well, that will make it even more unpleasant. But what could be more enjoyable than watching him from afar, tapping nervously on his table, breathing, looking at his watch, and staring at you as soon as you pass less than 20 meters away. Hihihihi.
The small negative point: the terrible opinion that you will take the next day on TripAdvisor. But OK…
12. Forget the towels
In a takeout order. Ideal if the customer is about to eat a good sandwich dripping with sauce. Greasy fries. Or any other food with which you stain yourself every time.
13. Give him change in red coins
Several solutions: he pays in cash. You surrender in red coins. Simple. He wants to pay by credit card. You claim there is a network problem. You tell him where to withdraw money. He pays in cash. You give him change in red coins. Basic.
Do not hesitate to make this moment even more awkward by pretending to get lost in your calculations and start all over again. Don’t forget to conclude with a smile by saying “Come on, for the coffee machine at the office”!
14. Tell him we don’t accept restaurant tickets
So in fact it is. Hihihihihihi. Too bad, huh? Ah well if he had known, he might have taken something cheaper. HIHIHIHIHI. If he pays cash and he was really not nice, you can finish him off by paying him back in red coins (see the previous point).
15. Pretend he clogged the toilet
Technical, but effective. Wait for him to go to the bathroom. As soon as he leaves, pretend to go there yourself. Then come out screaming: “Tom, where is the toilet? There’s a big filthy who has screwed up everywhere! It’s overflowing ! »
The risk: turning everyone off, and never seeing anyone in your establishment again. Put the key under the door. Having that on your conscience all your life… It’s double or nothing. But admit it, it’s tempting.