*This scene takes place on a stand-up set. Imagine me sitting on a stool, microphone in hand*
I don’t know if you noticed, but people think too much that “tourist” has become an insult. As a result, when they go to other cities or other countries, they are too afraid to pass for tourists, isn’t that crazy??? *audience laughter*
Well, I’m not made for stand-up, I’m well aware of that, but I’m going to explain to you with a lot of passion why you have to assume being a tourist when you are one. You should even be proud of it.
1. You support an entire economy thanks to the money you drop in restaurants and souvenir shops
All countries are very happy to welcome tourists, simply because it brings them a lot of moula. So even if some locals are sulking because you don’t speak the language or because your license plate has a different number from theirs, tell yourself that deep down they would be nothing without you.
2. You can proudly wear a bucket hat and a floral shirt
Only you and the rappers of Marseille can afford to wear this outfit that some people find ridiculous. Too bad for some. Some people are just jealous.
3. You’re on vacation, not like those idiots who have to get up early in the morning
Your perfect complexion and the absence of dark circles on your face bear witness to this: you are fully rested. So you are the best version of yourself that can exist. Just for that, you can be proud to be on vacation.
4. You are interested in another culture
Being a tourist means that you go out to discover new things and that you are open to the world. Since when is that supposed to be shameful?
5. Socks in sandals are back in fashion
The tourists were right all along. Especially the Germans who have been laughed at too much. Apologies, German tourists, you were right and we didn’t even know it.
6. You can finally be that person who walks slowly without knowing where they are going.
And absolutely piss off all the people in a hurry around you. For once the wheel turns, enjoy.
7. You have saved a year for your vacation so you have the right to take advantage of your status
Everyone expects only one thing all year round: to take time off to become a tourist. You’re not going to start feeling guilty about being one when it’s the dream of 99% of the population.
8. You will never be more horrible than backpackers who tell you that their trip has changed their life.
You, you humbly live the present moment by telling yourself that the countries you visit are cool, but you don’t come back by leaving quotes on the trip and big clichés like: “They have nothing… and yet they give everything”. You’re still a pleasant person to be around, even if you can’t help but show the photos of your stay to everyone on your way home (we forgive you, but please don’t abuse it too much).
9. You see the “must see” things in the cities and countries you visit
And if it was “to see” it is that there was a good reason to see them. Like the Eiffel Tower, it’s to be seen because it’s stylish, so you’re right to visit it at least once in your life, no matter what the Parisian snobs think of it.
10. People are just known to be bitter.
They’re jealous to see you enjoying life, that’s why they look at you badly while you take a picture of yourself with your selfie stick making a “V” with your fingers (well, you’re kidding yourself little about the clichés but don’t worry, you have the right).
11. You will have souvenir photos to show your children
“Look Timobald*, that’s when I was in Santorini with your dad. Well he left me three days after we conceived you, but it was a great time. »
*Choose better the first names of your children anyway. As well as their co-genitor.
12. You see and do 10 times more stuff than the people who live there
Since they are jaded and don’t necessarily have the time to do all that, they don’t even bother to look at what the place where they live is like anymore. What’s the point of living in a nice place if you don’t even look at it? To nothing. You came to remind them that their habitat is stylish, and that’s very chic of you.
13. You’re the one who takes the best photos of the different spots
The ones that locals show to others to say that their city is the best. They should be paying you for it.
14. In Antiquity, almost all philosophers went to see the country to train
If they were already playing tourists, there was a good reason. You may be far from being a Greek philosopher, but it will still do you good to see what’s going on outside your hometown.
15. As Aristotle said, we are all someone else’s tourist.
Never forget it……. (ok Aristotle never said that but it’s still true)