A few years ago, Maxime Gasteuil played his show in small Parisian venues. This year, he was sold-out during his Zéniths tour and his 8 performances of his show “Maxime Gasteuil arrives in town” at the Casino de Paris. A meteoric rise, and deserved given the immense talent of this native of Saint-Émilion, who now even has his show on Amazon Prime. The class.
So before you go take your place right here for his new show “Retour aux sources”, on tour from October (and we’re not going to hide from you that there are already not many places left), here are some of Maxime Gasteuil’s best jokes available on the internet.
1. Guys, the PQ in the trains needs to be changed. Why ? Well, because Canson paper is made for drawing!
2. Once I was invited to someone’s house and I brought them a bottle of Saint-Émilion […], he said to me: “Here are the cups, you can serve”. I say “No no, it’s Saint-Émilion, you don’t take out the cups for me, you take out the balloon glasses!”. He said to me “No stop your bullshit, the cups are more practical, so there’s no dishes”. I say: “Well next week, you come to my house with foie gras, I’ll wrap it in a flip-flop, that’s it”.
3. A man who cums… it’s disgusting, do we agree? […] Ah bah girls you may have met Ryan Gosling at 8 p.m., at 2 a.m. in your sacks we are all the same: Gollum!
4. Surprise bread, that’s an asshole aperitif. That’s a stingy aperitif who goes to Picard and says: “It’s practical, there’s everything in it!” With the frozen heart in the middle, always! His heart is always frozen: 8 p.m. he is frozen, 2 a.m. he is frozen! And there are only disgusting stories of shit in there. We are all waiting for the same floor: the salmon! The rest is awful. When you fall by surprise on Roquefort / pecan nuts, but fuck your mother the surprise!
5. Parisians, you invent fashions that already exist. Hipsters for example. But what is a hipster? He’s a guy with a hat that’s too small, a beard that’s too long and a checkered shirt? But in Saint-Émilion, there are hispters everywhere. It’s called a farmer, it has nothing to do.
6. Have you seen when you have dissociated evenings as a couple, when your girlfriend goes out on her own, suddenly you take advantage of it, you have an evening on your side. If by chance, your girl comes home before you, the girls always have a benevolent little text message, too cute, which goes: “Honey, I just got home, where are you?”. Text message that really means: “You have a quarter of an hour, son of a bitch!”
7. I’m so upset, luckily I’m not a unicorn.
8. People who put post-its on their phone or computer webcam: “I hear the CIA and the FBI can see everything.” But are you a secret agent? What do you have to hide, apart from Mr. Guérin’s accounts? You know very well why you put it on your post-it. You put it on because 3 times a week, you lock yourself in your office, you dim the lights, you lower your little Zara suit pants, and you stab yourself like a demon, for 25 minutes, on a Jacquie et Michel!
9. Are there any vegetarians in the room tonight? We hear them very little, they have no more strength…
10. The Parisian girl, she’s hard to flirt with. Because the Parisian girl, she doesn’t stop you at “Bonjour”, she stops you at the breath of “B”.
11. With 4 grams in his blood, a guy could make himself a coffee table.
12. When I arrived in Paris, I had a coffee on the terrace. Finally, on the terrace in Paris, it must be said quickly… on the hard shoulder of the A10!
13. Do you know Passoã? That’s the devil’s alcohol […]drinking gasoline with sugar is not my life!
14. The ballerina is an infection. The ballerina is a category 4 weapon. Girls often tell you “Yeah, guys, they suck”, you want them to go away: take off your shoes!
15. The future is a blur for most people. There are those who know what will become of them, and then there are those who don’t know. I was one of those who didn’t know. I was so lost, one day I said to myself: maybe type your first and last name on Google, and maybe Google will predict your future.
Convinced ? So to shotgun the last places still available for his new show, it’s happening just here