We would all like to have a job that pays well and a nice boss, but the reality is often more unpleasant (not to say completely rotten uc). When looking for a job, we more often come across crappy advertisements than quality job offers. More often on disgusting salaries and absurd demands than on nuggets that make you want to apply. At least that allowed us to pull out a short list of the worst job offers we’ve found. A nice little consolation prize.
1. Ziva applies if you’re a thug
I don’t know what’s worse in the ad, between the impression that it’s written by a daron of 50 brooms, the 6-month-old “CDI” or the “I leave you, I have my crush who DMs me”. A concentrate of cringe like you’ve never seen before.
2. The guy thought you were his friend
True fact: people who talk to you about “real beer” and who judge you because you drink 1664 or whatever are big suckers who have nothing better to do with their lives.
3. A good working atmosphere on the program
“You are not a sensitive or bubbly person, you rather consider yourself ‘cold and robotic'”
4. Clear the ugly ones
The line that asks for a “good appearance” is a sign that this job is going to be hell.
5. Welcome, slave of the modern world
39 hours per week, work on public holidays and weekends for 24,000 euros per year. Phew there’s a company car, so that’s fine.
6. Eurk no thank you
The pop-culture jokes seen and reviewed slipped here and there, it’s total discomfort. Missing more than “the glitter in your life” et “I don’t think there is a good or bad situation” and we got the winning combo.
7. But absolutely no one is looking for that
An unpaid 35 hours storing shoes in boxes while being yelled at by customers, the dream.
8. An offer within everyone’s reach
“Essential skill requirements:
– Willing to commit 40-70 hours per week.
– Can score over 150 on an IQ test”
9. Guys ask a bit too much for a job of cleaning staff
“Your friends say you are cool and open”, really ? What is the next step ? You will have to have a good style, know how to dance and do stand-up to clean caravans?
10. OK BOOMER
“If while reading this you have been distracted by vibrations from your cell phone or a Facebook alert, this may not be the job for you. We need someone who will limit personal interruptions and can focus on the task at hand to ensure the job is done right the first time.
If you think there are many good reasons for not showing up to work on time, or if you need to take more than 2 coffee, cigarette or cell phone breaks during the work day, this job is not is not for you. If you want to spend time Monday through Friday from 8am to 5pm surfing the internet, Facebook or chatting on the phone and still expect to get paid, this isn’t the job for you.
IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING THIS JOB POSTING WHILE AT ANOTHER JOB, DO NOT APPLY. (We need someone with integrity who we can trust.)
If you’re the type of person who stays on your cell phone to converse while you order food, pump gas, or stand in line in front of a cashier, this isn’t a work for you. (We need someone who is polite and focused on the people around him.)
If you’re one of those people who always seems to find a good reason to be away on Friday mornings or Sunday evenings, this really isn’t the job for you. We know how to spot these kinds of recurrences. If you always seem to “get sick” when you need a long weekend, please do not apply for this position.
11. Understood: you’re going to take it in the face and it’s in your interest to accept it
“Special info: this candidate must be tough-skinned and able to take criticism / work for a micro manager. »
12. Give bulk alms
“This is an unpaid job. Applicants must fundraise for their own salary. »
13. We want a Junior who has been working for 10 years, is it possible?
“8 to 15 years of experience”
“Recently graduated in mechanical or electrical engineering”
14. Do as I say, not as I do
The ad asks to be able to render “error-free work” but mentions “social media” a line below. Gotta set a good example guys.