Yes, many countries already have their totem animal, but we find that these animals were chosen in a somewhat arbitrary way and that they do not always correspond to the true character of their people. That’s why we put a lot of thought into assigning new animal emblems to your favorite countries. It may upset some people, but life is as unfair as a missed penalty in the 92nd minute.
1. Canada: a bear, but a nice bear
The kind of bear who gladly buys you a beer and apologizes for stepping on your toe.
2. England: a seagull eating leftover fish and chips
She’s a very polite seagull in principle, but who can get you high the moment you talk to her about football or rugby. The only way to reconcile with her is to buy her a good pint of beer.
3. The United States: a fat, well-fed pig
Armed with a gun, wearing a “Make America great again” cap, and ready to take away more rights from women.
(Sorry to the nice Americans out there too, you got yourselves some loving Golden Retrievers.)
4. Brazil: a dancing macaw
Always in a good mood, always singing and making a lot of noise, and a little annoying when you want to sleep, you have to admit.
5. China: a tough ant
The guys build entire cities in 3 days, we still haven’t understood how they do it since we French people need about 5 years to finish the work of a single hut.
6. Australia: a spider mixed with a kangaroo mixed with a snake mixed with a crocodile
Australia’s hell represented in a single creature capable of melting your skin with just a look.
7. Italy: a turtle (who eats pizza of course)
Her name would be Michaelangelo or Raffaelo, something like that.
8. Spain: a beautiful mussel
In a nice paella, of course.
9. Russia: a bear too, but much more aggressive
This bear on a vodka drip who distracts you because you dared meet his gaze.
10. Switzerland: a totally independent cat
The kind of cat who doesn’t really care about other people’s business and who has a bit of a haughty look, you have to admit.
11. Egypt: a sphynx cat, of course
It’s still an opportunity to remember that the sphynx is the friendliest of all cats, so please stop denigrating it.
12. Belgium: a grumpy cat
And this since July 2018 already… remember…
(Sorry Belgians, we’re laughing one last time while we’re still champions because we know very well that we’re going to be knocked out at the 2022 World Cup. You’ll be able to let go soon.)
13. Japan: a kawaii little hamster
It must be annoying as a Japanese that everyone always thinks you’re too kawaii, but life is unfair we told you so in the introduction, you would know if you were paying attention.
14. France: a revered honey badger
An aggressive animal, always in conflict and always ready to fight for no good reason. It suits us well.