Style is not just a matter of taste, it’s also a matter… of style. An indefinable thing that some have and others don’t, that some think they have when they don’t, that some allow themselves to judge when we don’t care. In short, we are positioning ourselves here in the last category because it is still more fun. So here are the dumb things that people think are stylish because they’re too much of a jerk.
1. Have your portrait taken in a Harcourt studio
You know those black and white portraits with a play on chiaroscuro that gives the impression that all the photographed are over 100 years old? So I want to believe that it was stylish in the 1930s, but today all the stars (even the cardboard stars, even the people who aren’t even stars) have their portraits taken when the photos are ugly and people think they’re finally cool with their portrait raked between 900 and 2000 bullets.
2. Have a car that costs a blind
Who still thinks that having a big engine, a shiny SUV, is cool? Well in real life, lots of people. But lots of super stupid people.
Only problem: there are so many of them and they pollute way more than us, but give them a few decades, the time for the planet to be completely burnt and for them to discover that in fact it is much more stylish to plant artichokes than to burn diesel on the bitumen. Yes yes, Formula 1 fans I am also thinking of you.
3. People who put colorful neon lights in their homes
It hurts my eyes guys, turn it off right now.
4. Philippe Stark furniture
The real question I ask myself is who thinks this designer’s objects are stylish apart from dictators and very rich blind people?
5. Reproduce the haircuts of famous people
And when I say famous people, I’m of course talking about football players who are the only people on earth with the elaborate and failed haircuts that teenagers want to have too.
6. Fashion brands that make XXXS or 32/34
They are part of the stuff that was cool and fortunately became very cheesy. Not that you don’t need clothes for very, very thin people, but when a brand mainly offers clothes of this type, thus suggesting that its customers are stylish because they are very, very thin, well, no. It’s dumb and corny. Fuck you with your bone-exposing slims.
7. Almost all products sold by Balenciaga
We told you once about the worst products sold by Balenciaga, I think that pretty much sums up the problem: thinking that we are stylish because we pay a lot of money for horribly ugly things. Ask Isabelle Hupport when she’s done with her greenscreen dress on the Croisette.
8. Speak the “djeun’s” language when you don’t master it
You feel really stylish and on point when you use expressions like “cringe”, “I swore”, or “incr”. The problem is when you use them without really capturing the meaning or just to look cool like saying the phrase “I drove a lot oklm” (because you thought there was a link with kilometers when not at all) it works more. It’s even worse than people making corny jokes because they’re already too old.
9. Being popular in high school
An obsession for all the teenagers that we have been, that you are, or that you will be. But if we can give you a crucial piece of information since our old age: popular people in high school generally end up quite badly (like digital agency consultant or career counselor).
10. Put an unusual wallpaper on a single section of wall or paint it a different color from the rest of your apartment
I don’t know if it’s cheesy or if it’s just in bad taste. For my part, I’m happy with old posters glued on and half torn by the wear and tear of time, and honestly I can’t tell you that it’s really better.
11. Putting too many #s on your Instagram account when you have 100 subscribers
Who are you honestly trying to appeal to with your hashtag #happy? While it shows that you are downright not happy.
12. Manly guys with big biscottos
Hey guys, put away your stuff, you don’t impress anyone except reality TV contestants.
13. Making circles with your cigarette smoke
“Wow so cool how I make art with my mouth before I had thyroid cancer, the game was worth the candle phew” YES YOUNG PEOPLE BECAUSE REMEMBER: A CIGARETTE IS A NAIL FOR YOUR COFFIN.