Happy Monday everyone. You have recently been able to admire our French cast of presidential candidates, a nice selection of French actors who could play politicians in an intense and uncompromising biopic. Well I have the honor to announce that our film project has been bought by Hollywood, so we are now embarking on the American casting. Suffice to say that the crowds will rush into the dark rooms.
1. Emmanuel Macron – Jonathan Groff
To play Macron, you had to find an actor with a head that wasn’t disgusting but who seemed to want to turn it upside down as soon as you trusted him. Jonathan Groff lends himself very well to it, he has already proved it when he interpreted this fdp by Jesse St James in Glee.
2. Marine Le Pen – Ann Dowd
No luck for Ann Dowd, the mean Aunt Lydia of The Handmaid’s Tale, she looks quite a bit like our national cat breeder, Marine Le Pen. Life is sometimes unfair.
3. Anne Hidalgo – Sandra Bullock
As much as Sandra Bullock could brilliantly interpret Anne Hidalgo, I have a hard time imagining Hidalgo trying to survive the crash of his ship in space. Anyway she must already take care of the crash of the PS.
4. Jean-Luc Mélenchon – Andy Serkis
The interpreter of Gollum, a specialist in motion capture roles, is super well placed to play Mélenchon, our specialist in new technologies, a fan of holograms and 4D cinema. The match is perfect.
5. Fabien Roussel – Ray Liotta
Well, we’re talking about the Ray Liotta of the 2000s because afterwards he changed a lot. Text level, it will not be complicated: he will be asked to shout “APERO”, “RED WINE” and “SAUSAGE” every five minutes since this is the strategy that Roussel has adopted for this campaign.
6. Jean Lassalle – Leonard Nimoy
It will be necessary to resurrect the actor who played Mr Spock in Star Trek because he is the only one to have the job to play Lassalle. If they put their noses together, these two could do great things.
7. Eric Zemmour – Ben Gazzara
It is still a person resting in the beyond who will play the next role. Indeed, Ben Gazzara (the porn producer in The Big Lebowski), died since 2012. He will have the heavy and painful task of interpreting Zemmour, the deconstructed man who respects women better than anyone. Well, in his own words.
8. Philippe Poutou – John Malkovich
It’s not just a balding story. It is also a story of charisma. It took at least the great Malkovich to put himself in the shoes of the one who had put everyone in their place in 2017.
9. Valerie Pécresse – Meg Ryan
Meg Ryan is going to have a job getting all of Valoche’s weird faces. Her nod as she finishes a sentence in front of the cameras is inimitable.
10. Yannick Jadot – Matthew MacFadyen
Matthew MacFadyen plays a huge asshole not at all green in Succession, but he has enough talent to shut down all the nuclear power plants in France. Finally in a film what.
11. Nicolas Dupont-Aignan – Harrison Ford
Ok we are far from being on doubles, but admit there’s a trick. Then also admit that it’s always cool to have Harrison Ford on screen so it’s good he’s hired.
12. Nathalie Arthaud – Shirley Henderson
To do justice to Nathalie Arthaud, she is still really less praised than Mimi Geignarde. Should have specified that.