Youpiiiii, it’s sunny, it’s hot: it’s time to get out your most beautiful parasol, your little diving kit and your favorite bath towel to finally go and enjoy the sea. Or the ocean. From the beach, what! However, stay alert! Don’t go spending your little savings to get to one of the most dangerous or ugliest beaches in the world. That would be balo.
1. Kamilo Beach, Hawaï
Initially, this beach was, without a doubt, as pretty as the others. But thanks to us, human, it is today a real garbage can. If you prefer trash to white sand, this is the place for you. Otherwise, you have the right to insult Man, who destroys nature so that he can wash himself with fucking wipes.
2. Fujiazhuang Beach, China
In truth, the sand beneath its tens of thousands of feet may be very pretty. Maybe.
3. The beaches of Cairns, Australia
On the left of the image: the magnificent turquoise blue lagoon which appears on all the photos. Yes, it’s just a large municipal swimming pool, right next to the ocean. On the right, the greenish thing that looks a little filthy: said ocean. Why build a swimming pool when there is water right next to it? Well because these waters are infested with saltwater crocodiles, particularly deadly jellyfish (a nasty version of an already nasty fish, that is to say), sharks and stonefish, the most venomous fish of the world. What a dream. And that gives a particularly ugly and not very reassuring beach. I advise against.
4. La Barcelonneta, Barcelona
It’s not because we add “eta” at the end that it becomes cute, huh. What could be uglier than a beach, in the middle of town, embellished with a huge tower in the shape of a shark’s fin? If you go to Barcelona, go stuff yourself with croquetas, it’s much more fun.
5. South Beach, Miami
Wow, the neon lights and the palm trees are so beautiful, naaaan? It’s so natural-han. I love-han.
6. The Palm Jumeirah, Dubai
In addition to being ridiculous, anti-green as possible and useless, it’s ugly. Seriously, how many grams was the guy who drew this? And the one who told him “it’s PERFECT”? Seriously, it looks more like a sick carrot on a plate than a palm tree, doesn’t it?
7. Beach Punta del Este, Uruguay
Sorry, I’m one of those people who think creepy isn’t pretty. A giant hand buried in the sand scares me. And so… Bah yes, I don’t like it. Brrrrh.
8. Fos sur mer, France
One thing to say: the view is breathtaking. Ideal for a good breath of fresh air.
9. La Grande Motte, France
Look how beautiful these pyramid buildings are. Mmmm. It smells like concrete. How do I love the smell of summer!
10. Butin Beach in Honfleur, France
Towards the Docks, where weight and boredom bend my back. So. All is said. It’s ugly. On the horizon: the docks. The boats pass a few meters from the swimmers. It is flat. It sucks. It sucks. Stay in the city, it’s more fun.
11. Bonus: Paris beach, France
We need to stop taking ourselves for idiots. We suck at geo, but we know that the Seine isn’t a sea, huh.
I stop there before being attacked with buckets and beach rakes, tubes of sunscreen and umbrella handles. But know that in France, there are a whole bunch of other ugly beaches.