Ah, the lovely month of August, its summer languor and your companion approaching you with a clammyness that usually would have put you off but which… STOP! We’ll arrest you right away, put an end to this little parade immediately because the enchanted parenthesis could lead to an irreversible disaster: a delivery in June, what a horror!
1. You might miss the music festival
June is the season for concerts and festivals. To take the risk of depriving yourself of it by giving birth at this time is to take the risk of having a child hermetic to music, and that is very dangerous! You will see that in 2 months you will find a study proving that music lovers are 7 times less likely to die of cancer than others.
2. You would miss the start of the summer
Imagine yourself, in the maternity ward, on June 21, peering out the window at the carelessness of all these people in shorts, tank tops and floral dresses while, in your ears, a demonic creature would continuously bawl to remind you, precisely , that you are on the other side of the window. For all time.
3. You would be deprived of balances
Ah the sales, privilege of people who know their size of clothing because their hips have not just widened following the passage of a watermelon between their thighs. Should you buy clothes in your previous size, betting on a return, one day, to normal? Or bet directly on our new measurements even if it means having to get rid of them in 2 months? Hello dilemma.
4. Your child’s birthday would be eclipsed by the Normandy landings
And we obviously have a moved thought for all the people born on June 6th. What do your birthdays look like, guys? Are you doomed to organize weekends in Dunkirk speaking exclusively English to fit in with your story?
5. You would miss the cinema party
And you know the saying: whoever misses the cinema festival condemns his child to remain closed to the 7th art until the end of his life. And, far be it from us to play the killjoys but it seems that it is even worse than for the music festival.
6. Your child’s birthday would be eclipsed by that of General de Gaulle’s appeal
So it’s not that we’re fixing on the Second World War, huh, but excuse us for knowing a little about the history of our country, what! That said, the face of De Gaulle as icing on the birthday cake, admit that it will not lack originality to compete with the rainbow cake.
7. You risk giving birth to Gemini!
And everyone knows it’s the most unpopular sign of the zodiac (sorry guys). Do you really want to give birth to an air sign, unstable with a split personality and who you can’t count on? And why not mismatch your socks while we’re at it? Or wear an unironed shirt? No, what we want for our children is stability!
8. Your child’s birthday would coincide with the end of the school year
So yeah, you’re thinking great, it’s liberation, end of classes, we’re celebrating. Great for him, yes. But who is going to stick around on sleepless nights making piñatas for a horde of ungrateful people who will make you lose 3 audition points?
9. This is the worst time to undergo the dictatorship of the summer body
So let’s be clear, there is never a good time to undergo these injunctions to the perfect body, but if we could avoid fading them when we no longer have any control over our body. Especially this little perineum prankster. We know this friend who, a year after giving birth, is still afraid to sneeze for fear of releasing a little pissou. Will you still take a little more diuretic detox juice?
10. Your maternity leave would fall during the summer holidays
Jean-François, from marketing, is surfing the wave in Biarritz while Stéphanie, from customer service, has embarked on a trek to Iceland and you can hear the cicadas singing from the Provençal house of Madeline, from accounting. But you will all go back to work at the same time in September. And oddly enough, you will receive less compliments on your wonderful dark circles so well dug than on Dimitri’s tan, back from his cruise in the Caribbean.
So if you want to play Russian roulette by letting yourself be fooled by your libido at the risk of giving birth at any time, too bad for you. But it won’t be worth inviting us to little June’s or Juno’s birthday party. We don’t have the courage to see that.