Top 10 proofs that Tom Cruise is not a real person, the collective hallucination

We’ve all seen a film with Tom Cruise, we have to, since he’s in about 73% of the films, I counted this morning. But precisely, doesn’t it seem a little strange to you that the guy has been in so many films for so long? Yeah it’s suspicious, and that’s why we think it absolutely does not exist and that I’m going to prove it to you right away with unstoppable arguments.

1. Because it doesn’t age

Already the first thing, the guy is sixty years old, but yet he is still mega horny and looks like a 45-year-old guy who looks like a 35-year-old guy himself. You understood, it’s an endless spiral that makes the more you look at his face the more you see that of a super well shaped newborn.

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Credits photo (CC BY 3.0) : Caroline Bonarde Ucci at

2. Because he’s in way too many movies

Nobody can act in so many films. Microsoft was even forced to create an artificial intelligence on purpose to classify the films of Tom Cruise there are so many. Except that artificial intelligence freaked out because the calculation was so complicated and we had to give it a much simpler task, which is to measure and study the alcohol content of each glass of Gérard Depardieu.

3. Because he does his own stunts and they are far too improbable

The actor is known for doing his own stunts, which is cool, okay, except his stunts are inhuman: the guy walks on the roof of fighter jets while making cocktails while watching the stock market ( I’m mixing maybe three of his movies, sorry). Nobody would take so many risks for a simple movie, except someone who is already dead or doesn’t exist…………. You begin to understand.

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Credits photo (Domaine Public) : U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Keenan Daniels

4. Because he knows how to do everything

The guy flies fighter jets, jumps from moving trains, dives into ravines on a motorbike, makes every cocktail he wants, still has shiny hair and knows how to fight like no one else. Except that no human being is perfect and knows how to do so many things, except maybe Keanu Reeves who is really perfect.

5. Because I’ve never seen it in person

And that excuse me but it is still the real proof that the type does not exist. I’m not saying that all the people I haven’t seen don’t exist, but he wasn’t for lack of trying since my cousin went out with her mechanic and even told him that he never had it actually met. (In photo, Tom Cruise next to a chair, another proof that he does not exist since someone real would have sat down)

6. Because he never dies in his films

Why do you think Tom Cruise almost never dies in movies? Every time his character dies there is a scheme: a double, a clone, a scene that lets it be understood that he is still alive… Ok, that’s absolutely no proof that he doesn’t exist, but I just wanted to point this out to you because apart from Collateral et Valkyrie I believe there are no others.

7. Because he was married to Nicole Kidman (who is a robot herself)

Seriously, have you seen Nicole Kidman’s face in the last ten years? It’s a jar of latex, no more emotion, no more a single human part: Kidman is a robot. And who can stay married to a robot for so long? Another robot, exactly.

8. Because he has incredible physical abilities

According to himself he can heal people by simply touching them since he passed a particular stage in the church of scientology (I’m not kidding, that’s really what he thinks) and he has already retained his breathing for six minutes in apnea during a shoot. What else do you need to realize that this guy is unreal?

9. Because no one can agree to make the same film nine times except him

No one can decently agree to play in nine Mission Impossible without asking once the question of whether the title of the film is not ultimately a bit misleading since the hero still manages to succeed in his damn mission every time?

10. Because Scientologists believe in its existence

And I can tell you that Scientologists believe a lot of bullshit, so if you yourself believe in the existence of Tom Cruise you’re probably a Scientologist. And that’s serious because these people think that a bad galactic is locked up in the Pyrenees anyway. Dissociate yourself, don’t believe in Tom Cruise.

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