Top 10 presidential candidates with whom the French most want to have a beer

In the midst of all these questions that we ask ourselves to choose a candidate, the IFOP has decided to dwell on a deep subject by carrying out a “presidential beer test”. The concept is simple, ask 1000 French people who they would most like to have a beer with. The positive answer in percentage is to be contrasted with the negative answer, for example if 31% of French people want to drink a beer with Marine Le Pen, 69% have no desire. It is up to you to make your choice.

1. Jean Lassalle: 39%

What do we order?

Inexpensive foam of questionable quality, the half more than affordable and you drink without thirst. With a cheese board and bread because you have to mop up.

What are we talking about?

Already we try to understand the Jeannot, because he tends to eat the words, then we would be more inclined to scream bawdy songs than to discuss the news in his company.

2. Emmanuel Macron: 37%

What do we order?

An IPA from a micro-brewery in the 18th arrondissement historically established in the neighborhood for 10 months. Expensive, badly brewed but with seller packaging.

What are we talking about?

Already we do not say anything, we listen. We learn a lesson in humility and we feel happy to be able to listen to this man talk about the economy and all that he has managed to do for five years. Yeah, we listen to him talking about him concretely.

Emmanuel macron %28cropped%29
Credits photo (CC BY 2.0) : Arno Mikkor, EU2017EE Estonian Presidency

3. Marine Le Pen: 31%

What do we order?

A good old French wine, a bit expensive because even when it was raised in the luxury of the Navy, moreover we are not immune to it sending the bottle back because it is corked.

What are we talking about?

We talk about cats, cat breeding, cat food, cat shelters and a bit about strangers who steal cats or worse, those who eat their kibble at night.

4. Philippe Poutou: 25%

What do we order?

Let the blond beer flow freely. Besides, it’s the boss who delights by sending out pots of homemade terrine and baguettes. When I say “the boss”, I’m talking about the guy who brought the cooler back to the roundabout where we drink, it won’t be in a bar with Poutou.

What are we talking about?

Ass jokes, we laugh, we sing, we evoke old memories and we hug, good humor mixes with the comforting alcohol-laden breath of the people around us.

630px philippe poutou 2011 %28cropped 2%29
Credits photo : Red/JMB Photo Library

5. Jean-Luc Melenchon: 24%

What do we order?

Everything, stained red, lukewarm beer, shooters… With Mélenchon, it’s really funny and it raises its elbow at the end of a joke.

What are we talking about?

We remake the world, we discuss in the exchange and in the bonhomie. Well there is still a moment when he speaks and you have to listen to him otherwise he gets angry, but overall we have a good time.

6. Fabien Roussel: 24%

What do we order?

A glass of martini with an olive and a slice of merguez.

What are we talking about?

We talk about work. We tell each other without filters the jobs we did before and we exchange. Finally without filters… He may not necessarily talk about fictitious employment but it’s not up to us to judge him on that, he has his little secret garden, the Fab.

7. Eric Zemmour: 22%

What do we order?

Marshal Pétain’s favorite wine blended with Vichy pastilles. It’s not incredible as a mixture, we could even go so far as to say that it’s really disgusting, but we don’t do more French.

What are we talking about?

We talk about France before, we complain a lot, we accuse a lot. We let a silence float when someone who is not white passes by, then we insult them when they are gone. A beautiful evening.

8. Valerie Pécresse: 21%

What do we order?

We drink champagne with Pécresse, those who can’t pay for their bottle just have to go and drink lukewarm red with the candidates on the left and get their ass cooked. Hard, but fair. We expected no less of her.

What are we talking about?

We are talking concretely about dough, heritage, savings, intelligent investments and varied wealth. But while feeling sorry for five minutes for those who can’t afford the same thing because they were too dumb to go to long studies.

9. Yannick Jadot

What do we order?

Organic and natural wine, made by small producers who undertake not to use pesticides. We also eat a terrine of seaweed, or at best rabbit but only made with the animal crushed on a national.

What are we talking about?

We talk about ecology, wind turbines, electric cars but also bodybuilding, Yannick Jadot being passionate about this little-known discipline.

10. Nicolas Dupont-Aignan

What do we order?

The most expensive thing on the menu, which paradoxically happens to be the least good. But who cares, we have no taste here, just enough money to pretend we have it.

What are we talking about?

Questioning evening: we talk about opportunities, maybe even more opportunism. Where are we going to end up when we get knocked out like a piece of shit before the second round? Which candidate we just insulted for free we will join when we have no other choice?

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