Since the selection of the 25 and the start of the World Cup, France has not been spared by injuries: Kanté, Pogba, Kimpembé, Benzema, Nkunku, Hernandez… We are sorry to tell you that the list is not finished and that match after the match, the blues will continue to lose soldiers. It’s more a world, it’s Final Destination we tell you.
1. Kylian Mbappé: breaking the cross melon
How it happened : by missing obvious actions for a player of his level, Mbappé begins to doubt. He wrinkles his melon in the middle of a press conference when he is asked, like Platini in 86, if France is not better off without him at the moment.
The results: reinforced by so much bad luck from the beginning, the France team, more united than ever by so much misfortune, is world champion, without him. Kylian announces his international retirement in stride, at only 23 years old.
2. Giroud: big tendonitis (in the hair)
How it happened : a well taken corner, Olivier rises but badly manages the trajectory of the ball which grazes his head and dishevels it in front of the cameras of the whole world.
The results : the arrival of the hairdresser on the lawn does not change anything, Olivier goes out on a stretcher with a cap, the stadium applauds, Franck Provost is in tears in front of his TV. Olivier plays the rest of the competition with a helmet
3. Théo Hernandez: sprained knee
How it happened : in homage to his brother Lucas, to whom he is very close, Théo is waiting for Benjamin Pavard’s next bullshit to crust himself too, just like his brother. So that’s what we call the Metaverse?
The results : logically not having anticipated this double injury, Didier puts his crampons back on and comes out of retirement to play left-back himself. France finally has Lizarazu’s successor.
4. Alfonse Areola: injury unknown
How it happened : We do not know how, but Alfonse was injured, except that no one had really noticed, neither the players nor the staff, nor even that he had been there since the start of the competition. (nor in 2018 too, crazy right?)
The results: none.
5. Adrien Rabiot: sore throat
How it happened : because of the bloody air conditioning in the stadiums
The results : after looking for Strepsil in all the duty pharmacies in Qatar, his mother files a complaint against the FFF for “failure to assist a person in danger”, attacks Qatar before the court in LaHaye, and withdraws her son on the spot from the colo saying that she “had never seen such oblivious monitors”.
6. Didier Deschamps: broken tooth
How it happened : à la cantoche while biting into somewhat hard bread, just before a video session.
The results : as after each World Cup now, Didier goes to the dental technical control to bring everything up to date. Noel le Graet, a little dog on the spot, took the opportunity to replace him with Zidane, claiming an end of cycle.
7. Benjamin Pavard: repeated discomfort in video session
How it happened : Benjamin realizes in video session the content of his non-match against Australia and passes out. He apologizes, explaining his questionable placement by the fact that he never wanted to be associated with the “second post” again to leave intact his mythical image against Argentina in 2018.
The results : Benjamin finally agrees to return to the “second post” on crosses and makes a remarkable World Cup.
8. Steve Mandanda: osteoarthritis everywhere
How it happened : age and nothing else. By taking the decision to go and play in Brittany, he knew that he was exposing himself to the rainy weather in Brittany. The mix with the heat of Qatar will be fatal to him.
The results : Steve leaves for a spa treatment in Aix-les-Bains at the end of the World Cup. He then signed a pre-retirement at OM where he played at the top level, finally at the medium level, for another 10 years.
9. Karim Benzema: thumb dislocation
How it happened : by changing the channel each time he sees Giroud score, that is to say often, Karim, not hot at all, is seriously injured in the thumb of his right hand.
The results : he just enlarges his permanent bandage on his right hand which now covers his entire hand. F1 goes fast, but it’s fragile brothel.
10. The Whole Team: Multiple Bruises
How it happened : Guendouzi, wanting to mess around and pay homage to Ribery, also decides to drive the bus of the blues. He causes an accident by eating an electric pole after 100 meters.
The results : the France team plays the next match with the only 3 players who had missed the bus: Varane who was in treatment, Dembelé who had just missed the bus, and Aréola who had been forgotten. France still won 2-0 against Argentina in the round of 16.