It’s early July 2022, that’s exactly halfway through the year and there’s been more killings in the US in six months than I’ve received from threats after my top against Breaking Bad (and there are had a lot). But let’s forget the fact that there have been an average of 119 gun deaths per day since the beginning of the year in the country of Uncle Sam and together defend the fairest law of the United States: of being in possession of a weapon.
1. To defend against aggressors and bandits
Imagine, you are quietly with your ass resting on the porch of your ranch playing a country tune on your acoustic guitar when a suspicious guy politely says hello to you. You start to panic quite logically and without a weapon, you would be at the mercy of this obviously threatening person, but fortunately by showing him the end of the barrel of your gun, you will manage to get him to clear and mind his own business. Thanks guns.
2. Because it looks good
What’s more masculine than someone with a big gun? Not much, I grant you. In the United States, the value of a man is measured by the size of the barrel of his weapon, a way that is not only effective but also quick to know who can be trusted.
3. Because it makes the country’s economy go round, you stupid pacifists
The United States has plenty of money, well not everyone in the country but who cares that’s not the point stop interrupting me. Do you perhaps believe that we can continue to pretend to be the world’s leading power without having a solid economy? This is why the sale of arms must continue, so that the United States can show its big muscles in the patriotic films which teach the rest of the world lessons, like The Expandables.
4. Because having your first gun is better than deflowering
When you are eight years old in the United States, you are offered your first gun, it is the passage to adulthood. This is a very important step in the development of the child, it teaches him to take responsibility by having the life of others in his hands. A good way to find your balance.
5. Because anyway there are plenty of arguments for carrying a free weapon
Not long ago I showed you the worst pro-gun arguments of the United States. But in fact I was completely wrong, I was just a big blind jerk but now I know that we obviously have to arm the teachers and ban video games, it’s the best way to act.
6. Because otherwise it will impoverish the NRA
It’s one of the most powerful lobbies in the United States, funding a lot of political careers and doing lots and lots of good for the planet. You wouldn’t want them to go bankrupt anyway? Imagine the unemployment that this could cause in comparison to the number of firearm victims per year in the country for example. Ok, if this argument passes I go into politics.
7. Because shooting stuff is still super fun
Before criticizing and opening your slap-shit because you’re convinced you’re right, have you ever fired a gun at glass bottles? No, that’s what I thought, because if it was you would know that it’s super fun and that it relaxes a lot a detonation that pierces your eardrum.
8. To kill roe deer and piaf when it’s barbecue night
Do you know the price of a prime rib in the USA? It’s super expensive. Whereas if you have a gun you can shop for free in one of the country’s many national parks to stock up on barbecue while regulating the species and killing the birds that shit on your brand new pick-up.
9. To avoid wasting time when you have to settle a mess
In our countries of sissies, we tend to try to settle conflicts through dialogue and diplomacy before coming to blows. In the United States, we shoot first and ask questions later, a method that has proven itself much more and shows how late we are: these people save a lot of time by not explaining themselves and get away with it in the eyes of the law, which is called the Chuck Norris method.
10. Because otherwise we leave the country in the hands of lefties and vegans
Is this what you want ? A country of soft ass who eat seeds, think about the state of the planet, ride bikes and wear linen shirts? What future are we going to leave our children with these kind of people in power, they are the dregs of capitalism and the fundamentally American freedom to shoot people for no damn reason.