Top 10 most lonely moments in the car with your children

Are you also a fan of long car journeys, facing the road but also yourself, lost in your thoughts at the same time as in your freedom? But wake up, poor misguided parent, you are no longer alone in your box, and, with the children you carry behind you, prepare for a slow descent into hell.

1. Hit the c*n nursery rhyme playlist for 3 hours

And even once the brat is asleep, when you zap on your radio show or on your own playlist, it’s not that the bastard, equipped with his radar, summons you to put the little patapons back. Anyone who has ever listened to “Once Upon a Little Ship” and its glaucous little cannibal adventures, tranquilou bilou, will understand our distress.

2. Get stuck in all the car games

When the child gets impatient, all means of diversion are allowed, including of course the countless games to be played in the car. A great classic: so count the red cars. Well, believe it or not, that’s always when all those little show-offs in their gleaming bodies hide and leave the field open to the gray cars. Seriously guys?

3. Hearing your child say “Look at me!” every 5 minutes

In general, the request will be most insistent when you apply yourself to overtaking a heavyweight in the middle of a turn. And if by some miracle, you manage to turn your head furtively to avoid the imminent howls, you will observe that, oh yes, it’s fun yes, the rabbit comforter is hanging from the ceiling handle by its ears… Yes, I have good since it was upside down, yes, it’s fun, yes. On the adrenaline scale it’s a bit like going from Tom Cruise’s body in Mission Impossible 5 who clings to the outer door of a plane taking off to that of the poor bugger in Forrest Gump who had the misfortune to sit on the bench next to Tom Hanks and has to deal with his whole chocolate box story.

4. Do contortions to pick up the blanket that has fallen on the ground for the thousandth time

While driving of course. Needless to say, said stuffed animal has found a way to nest right in the blind spot and you would have to unfasten your seat belt and drive with the toes of your right foot to retrieve it. And you know what ? YOU DO IT ! Because the prospect of spending the rest of the trip with your child in fire alarm mode seems more insurmountable at the moment than being run over by the oncoming truck. And then, who knows ? Eventually, you might end up understudying Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible 4372!

5. Driving with a small bucket of vomit stuck between your thighs

Yes, it can’t be seen like that, but there’s a very positive part in the statement: the child vomited properly, as soon as he felt that things weren’t going well, hop, his head in the little beach bucket , it’s neat and flawless, no seat to clean on arrival. Except that he hands you the bucket quietly when he’s finished and that, highway obliges, you can’t stop before the next rest area to empty the bucket and euthanize your nostrils on the way. Now or never to test your apnea performance.

6. Walk past a gory car crash

It also works with a dead animal in the middle of the road (peace be upon him). It’s time to use your best diversionary techniques. Above all we forget the game of red cars, all the concentration must turn towards the interior of the cabin. You have the solution but you don’t want to admit it. Come on, courage, we’re relaunching the patapons playlist (when the child had finally dropped the case). “We pulled at the short straweeeu, we pulled at the short straweeeuu, to find out who, who, who would be eaten, to find out who, who, who would be eaten oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!

7. See the child eat an old crumb stuck under the seat

And when we say crumb, it’s to stay soft. In reality, we don’t want to know what it is, we vaguely saw it in the retro but we preferred to concentrate on the fissa road. Between the beast crushed on the middle lane, all entrails out and your human vacuum cleaner who stuffs who knows what in his mouth OKLM while licking his chops, we do not know what disgusts us the most. Someone give us the bucket please!

8. Hearing the back door open in the middle of the highway

Keua? Could it be that you didn’t remember to activate the child lock? And then first of all, since when has your little baby – of love, of course, but not damned to line up 3 steps without asking that you take him in your arms, since when, therefore, has he understood the mechanism of opening the door handle, damn it? That thought freaks you out as much as the scene in Jurassic Park where the velociraptor also manages to open the door. Definitely, the little geniuses have given themselves the word.

9. Regularly suffer arguments between siblings

It’s not specific to the car trip but let’s say that in normal times you can yell a good shot and summon your offspring to go and solve their problems among themselves and especially elsewhere than in your ears. When you’re stuck in the car with them and trying to concentrate on not missing the next freeway exit, it’s another delirium. It is surprising, moreover, that horror films do not more often set the scene of their camera in a car. One parent, two children. Eternity as the only horizon. GUARANTEED ANGUISH.

10. Hearing your kid say he has to pee

Obviously, you already took a break 20 minutes ago and you planned to ride non-stop for the next two hours. Of course you forced him to go to the bathroom even though he said he didn’t want to. Wait, no, it was you, honey, who went with him, right? But since we tell you that you’re all alone in the car with your kid, finally! And meeeeeerrde. It’s the only time when you regret the blessed era of diapers. And if not, how high on the WTF scale does it go if we offer him the bucket? Alright, alright, we haven’t said anything. But had to try, right? Nope ?

Frankly, given the self-sacrifice it takes to plan an entire car journey with even a child, wouldn’t you be doing yourself the best of services, at the same time as the planet, by opting for the train? We just want to help, huh…

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