hello my lasagna sheets, how are you today? We not too badly. Damn August. Only. But let’s put all that aside to finally find ourselves together around the best meeting of the week, that of the champions, these unusual miscellaneous facts that we find in part thanks to Instagram.com/ajustetitre/?hl=fr” rel=”noopener” target=”_blank”>@Well Namedsomeone who always monitors the news, a kind of Batman newsstand.
1. A grandson granted his grandmother’s last wish: to place a giant penis on his grave.
Topito’s analysis: We don’t judge, if it was his last wishes, it’s okay to respect them. Maybe just a bit boring to get a giant penis though, it’s not in all grocery stores.
2. Frightened by a spider, he sets fire to his apartment while trying to kill it
Topito’s analysis: It quickly degenerated this story, even if I do not really see at what moment one can say to oneself that using fire against a spider is not a deeply shitty idea. You will know for next time.
3. Spain: two elderly people fined 600 euros for performing oral sex in a public park in broad daylight
Topito’s analysis: They maintain the flame until the end, true lovers even at their age. But on the other hand, doing that outside is called exhibitionism and it is an offense punishable by a fine. Shame.
4. Cognac: he ingests cannabis in the sight of the police, flees and abandons his children
Topito’s analysis: Absolutely nothing is wrong with this sentence: the guy is cowardly, oblivious and not loving enough towards his children. The total. He deserves his “worst father of the year” mug.
5. A resident of Roubaix discovers by chance his family ties with an Indian king
Topito’s analysis: Roubaix – India, is this filiation really surprising? Personally, I had clearly seen it coming, these two places are so similar. Glory to you, the Maharajah of Roubaix.
6. Australia: Caught with two McMuffins in his bag during a plane ride, he is fined $2,000
Topito’s analysis: Breakfast is expensive. And to think that if he had eaten them quickly, no one would have known and he would not have taken a horribly expensive fine for a somewhat exaggerated sanitary measure. And it’s not the most rotten dish of McDonald’s in real life?
7. Doubs: The thieves leave with more than 200 kg of raclette and county
Topito’s analysis: Two hundred kilos of cheese, the dream of a lifetime, the ultimate accomplishment. But to go from there to organizing a robbery as if it were a bank is a bit exaggerated, even if it’s super classy.
8. A tourist returns from vacation and finds 18 scorpions in her suitcase.
Topito’s analysis: Eighteen. Eighteen scorpions what. A whole summer camp in his suitcase, poor thing. And at the same time what idea of going to countries where there are scorpions when you can go to Futuroscope.
9. A scientist fools astronomy buffs with a slice of chorizo
Topito’s analysis: They all thought it was a super cool planet when it was a slice of chorizo, so you can definitely give that person the award for world’s funniest scientist or best butcher astronomer. This person who is none other than Etienne Klein to whom we owe the excellent program The scientific conversation on France CultureI really recommend it, you will grow out of it (by a few centimeters at most).
10. A popular Bangladeshi singer told to stop slaughtering the national repertoire
Topito’s analysis: It’s hard to hear. As much for him as for the public obviously. It’s a bit like their own Gregory. We should really do something against artists who only do covers, it’s the evil of the century.
See you next week my ginger tea bags, happy holidays to those who are lucky, strength and honor to my safe charcoal burners.